Integrative Psychotherapy and Family Constellations
YOUR JOURNEY - RELEASE
Redefining well-being through the best practices of Jungian psychoanalysis
Release what no longer serves you
Spring is a time for growth, renewal, and new beginnings. No matter how cold and dark the days were, Winter is behind us. It is the perfect time for us to grow and move forward, leaving our own personal winter behind us. And so, during this symbolic time, our theme for May is RELEASE. Release what no longer serves you! Releasing what no longer serves you does not mean those ‘things’ did not or do not exist, it simply means that you no longer allow them to control your life.
Identifying what no longer serves you, requires some soul searching. It requires you to be present, to be aware. We are often blissfully unaware of what we need to release. It may be our own internal dialogue that we need to change or perhaps we need to let go of those self-limiting beliefs that are holding us back.
For some of us the biggest challenge is releasing the past. The past can have a powerful hold over us as we replay painful events over and over in our minds. It can make us stagnant and prevent us from moving forward. But we must always remember that we are strong – despite our personal pain, despite the many hardships and challenges we have faced we have made it this far and as Elton John would say, “I’m still standing!”
Something inside you knows that things need to change, that you can have that incredible life you dream of and deserve or why else would you be here, reading this?
Join me on a journey of releasing what no longer serves you. But for now, all I ask is that you become more present and aware. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself. Be aware of your internal narrative. Be aware of how you respond. But … be aware with no judgement.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” – Carl Jung
What is no longer serving you?
The answer to that question is not always obvious, sometimes the things that are no longer serving us are hidden deep within our subconscious. They have become part of us, they have become habitual and touch every aspect of our lives. “Until you make the subconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung. Awareness is the first step on our “Release Journey”. Here are a few questions to get you going.
Listen to your inner voice and how you speak to yourself.
- Are you your own cheerleader?
- Are you building yourself up or tearing yourself down?
- Would you speak to those that you love, the way you speak to yourself?
What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself?
- Do you believe you will never be happy?
- Do you believe you will never find love?
- Do you believe success is out of your reach?
What habits and behaviours are not serving you?
- Do you set yourself up for failure?
- Do you procrastinate?
- Are you eating healthily most of the time?
- Are you practicing self-care or self-destruction?
Many of the things that no longer serve us had a purpose, they may have been the only ‘tools’ we had at the time. Perhaps we used them as a coping mechanism or perhaps subconsciously, we used them to reinforce our self-limiting beliefs. Only awareness will provide the answers.
“When you release what no longer serves you, you make space for what’s meant to be” – Unknown
Be open to the possibility that maybe now is the time to start making space for all that should be serving you.
“If you continue to carry bricks from your past, you will end up building the same house.” -Unknown
Perhaps now is the time to build your life with new bricks. Journaling can become your best friend on this “Release Journey.” Find the perfect notebook, jot down your insights/questions and thoughts as they occur, it does not matter whether or not they make sense, it does not matter if you think they are foolish. This is a stage of exploration.
Release what no longer serves you – Awareness
“We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.” – Sheryl Sandberg
Without awareness we cannot release or change what no longer serves us, but once we are aware, change is inevitable. As we start to become conscious of the negative internal dialogue, self-limiting beliefs and self-destructive habits or behaviours, we gain greater insight and understanding of who we truly are.
Identifying what needs to be released is not the hardest part, it is understanding why we held onto them in the first place, that can be the most painful part of this process. Sometimes it is an event in our past that is holding us back but if we look carefully, we will most likely discover that it is not the actual event but our beliefs around the event that are causing us to suffer. But beliefs can be changed!
Through awareness and self-knowledge our eyes are opened to the obstacles in our way and only then can we move onto the next steps of our “Release Journey” – Understanding and Change.
We have the power to change our lives, to live the best life possible and to be free of everything that drags us down.
Time to take stock
“There is only one journey. Going inside yourself” – Rainer Maria Rilke
It’s time to put pen to paper, time to grab your notebook and start writing. What needs to be released? What is no longer serving you?
You cannot change what you don’t know. At first the task may appear daunting, and you may find yourself heading for the kettle as opposed to your notebook. But take comfort in the fact that there are no wrong answers, each of us have different pasts, each with its own set of contributing factors which led to us holding onto stuff that no longer serves us.
It can be as simple as holding onto a dinner service that you detest but keep out of guilt as it was your mother’s.
The clothes that we no longer wear that clutter our cupboard; the ones we are saving for when we have lost that extra bit of weight.
Perhaps it is the excuses we tell ourselves or the things we don’t try because we are scared of failure.
Ask yourself if it is helping you move forward or keeping you stuck in the past. Is it adding value to your life or is it no longer serving you? Does it bring you joy or stir up negative emotions?
“Healing comes from gathering wisdom from past actions and letting go of the pain that the education cost you.” – Caroline Myss
As you look back through your journal, take time to reflect on your insights.
Ask yourself questions.
Look inward.
Trust your intuition.
Awareness should not only be centred around what no longer serves us. We also need to create an awareness of what does serve us, so that we can bring more of those things into our lives. What are you grateful for? What brings you joy?
Releasing what no longer serves you – Understanding
What is the rationale behind holding onto all of these things that no longer serve us?
Many of our beliefs are responsible for the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. They determine our behaviours which create our habits. Subconsciously we use our behaviours to reinforce our self-limiting beliefs. The majority of our self-limiting beliefs are the result of past wounds and as we release the things that no longer serve us, we may find the self-doubt, pain or feelings of unworthiness rear their ugly heads.
If we believe we are unworthy, it can manifest in a multitude of ways – we may neglect our surroundings and our homes are disorganised, full of clutter and in need of a vacuum. Or we may neglect ourselves and not worry about our diet, exercise or self-care. We may find ourselves in relationships that make us feel insecure or are abusive, as perhaps we have subconsciously chosen a partner that affirms our own feelings of unworthiness.
So why do we do it? For many of us it is fear, it’s the fear of the unknown, fear of change. We find comfort and a false sense of security in the familiar, even when it is not serving us. Without awareness and change, we are destined to repeat the same patterns time and time again.
As Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Imagine that you are at the end of your journey, it is the last day and you have successfully released everything that no longer serves you –
- What would your life look like?
- What would have been the biggest change?
- How would you feel?
Remember, everything we think, say, and do, is either moving us closer towards our best life or taking us further away from it.
Creating your best life
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – C.S. Lewis
Releasing what no longer serves us is not only about introspection, but it is also about inspiration. Today is a special day, it is a day to dream, a day to create and a day to inspire.
What does your best life look like? Sometimes we aren’t sure what our best life looks like, we have spent so much time holding onto things, so much time keeping our mind busy that we haven’t given ourselves the space to dream.
Carve out a space for yourself today. A space where you won’t be interrupted, a space where you can dream, a space where you can create your best life. Remember in this world you are creating, anything is possible. There are no physical, mental, emotional or monetary constraints – there is absolutely nothing holding you back.
Art connects our minds and our bodies and through this unity we gain a different perspective. We allow our brains the freedom to create and everything becomes possible. So go ahead, grab a large piece of card and magazines, cut out pictures and words that reflect your ideal world. Or unearth those forgotten paints, pencils and crayons and create …. Or take out your notebook and let the words flow. It doesn’t matter what you do, just bring your dreams to life.
Remember in this world you are creating, anything is possible. There is nothing holding you back.
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” – Eckhart Tolle
As your awareness and understanding grows through the insights you have gained, you find clarity and the ability to acknowledge and release what no longer serves you.
It is often at that moment that your mind will begin to overflow with thoughts and reasons as to why you shouldn’t let it go.
Remember if it hasn’t served you all this time, it’s not about to start now. The things that show the most resistance are usually the things we should release first.
Release what no longer serves you – Change.
Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – Carl Jung
The life you would love to live, the life you created as if there were no physical, mental, emotional, or monetary constraints. Yes, that life, where there was absolutely nothing holding you back.
Ask yourself, “Why can’t I have that life? What is stopping me from living that life?
Pay careful attention, listen intently to your internal dialogue without judgement. What story are you telling yourself? What limiting belief do you need to release? What habits do you need to let go of?
When we take time to listen to ourselves, we often find that our inner voice is not aligned with who we are or who we want to be. That’s because our inner voice takes note of what we hold onto and the actions we take. It doesn’t take note of what we intend doing.
“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” – Carl Jung
Just Breathe
All this self- introspection and identifying what no longer serves us can be exhausting business. It is important to remember to be present …. just breathe. As they say in the classics, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” When we embark on a new journey, especially one that can bring up emotions, memories, or general feelings of discomfort, we can easily become overwhelmed.
Some of us rush in guns blazing, with the greatest of intentions, only to find that we quickly run out of steam and become demotivated. Releasing the things that no longer serve us is not a 4-week process, it will take time. This journey isn’t a race and if it was, we need to be like the tortoise, slowly does it.
Small, consistent changes are manageable. Through your increased awareness, you will find it easier to stop that negative self-talk and change your narrative. You will find yourself wondering why you believe you can’t be in a loving, stable relationship and as you work through those types of self-limiting beliefs, you will through you own understanding and self-knowledge, come to realise they are simply not true.
Perhaps you have found that one particular question resonated with you, then focus on just that one thing. Maybe for you it’s the lightbulb moment that you need to release your critical self-talk – then start becoming your own cheerleader, even if you only manage to say one fabulous thing about yourself today. It’s one more than yesterday!!
“True life is lived when tiny changes occur” – Leo Tolstoy
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King
Every journey we embark on takes its own course. There will be bumps on the way. There will be times where you need to stop and pause. There will be moments when you lose your way. But no matter what, keep moving forward and remember along the way to practice selfcare and selflove. Be kind and patient with yourself.
